You Know You're An Author When...

• You mention the word 'deadline,' and your family runs.
• Your accountant suggests you take a portion of your royalties and invest in Starbucks.
• You're so far out of the loop you think Harry Potter is a popular kid in your son's class.  
• You overhear someone say, "That's a novel idea!" during a cocktail party and you pull your iPad from your purse to take notes.
• Your oven's on the fritz and you're mildly annoyed.  Your coffeemaker goes out and you're extremely homicidal.
• You plan to buy catheters and IV fluids before your next deadline.
• Your cousin calls to say you should plan a family reunion, so you immediately start plotting your next five-book series.
• You watch your favorite TV crime drama and spend most of the show identifying the turning points.
• Frozen dinners are your best friends, second only to your spell-checker. 
• You claim NoDoz as a legitimate business expense on your taxes. 
• You haven't worn your hair this long since high school.
• You used to keep paper and pen on the nightstand in case you remembered an item you left off the grocery list.  You now keep it on the nightstand in case your characters speak to you in the middle of the night.
• You're down to your last roll of toilet paper so you limit usage to two squares until you have time to leave the house.  You're down to your last ream of printer paper and you immediately hop in the car and speed to Staples.
• You put on a bra and makeup and your husband mistakes you for the Avon representative. 
• You take that long-awaited beach vacation and spend hours photographing shirtless men to provide inspiration for your next hero.
• You can name all your characters, but not your kids.  
• You consider yourself fashion-forward when you place an order online for sweats in all the latest spring colors.